BXBX NOVEL Chapter 551: Mounting Pressure and Closing Deadlines
Chapter 551: Mounting Pressure and Closing Deadlines
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Kat watched as Lily started to squirm in her arms and a frown started to appear on her face the longer it was being dragged out. "Are you ok Lily? You know you can tell me anything right?"
"NO!" shouted Lily suddenly and Kat froze. "I mean… yes… I mean… no… I… Um… look… Kat… I… I don't know if I can."
Kat wrapped her tail around Lily and tightened the hug. "Yes you CAN Lily. I swear to you that no matter what it is you can tell me. I don't know what's gotten into you but I swear it will be fine"
Lily felt her heart burning at the words. So much of her wanted to believe what Kat said but… *I already thought that was true once. I… I don't know if I can do this again. I NEED to do this though. Oh why can't I just SAY IT. It's not hard. Just a few words.*
Lily bit hard on her lip and drew a small amount of blood. The pain didn't help clear her thoughts at all though. Despite what she'd wished. Kat felt Lily tensing in her arms and smelt the blood just faintly, the tinge of copper and let her eyes go wide. "Lily. If you aren't ok I can help. Please just let me know what's wrong…" murmured Kat.
*Kat please. I… I want to but I can't Kat. Why did it have to be like this? I didn't want this to happen again. I knew it was though. This isn't a surprise. I've known for MONTHS. Months and I didn't say anything. Now I need to make life altering decisions and the transformation I want will bind me to Kat forever. I need to tell her beforehand. I can't just… not tell her. But I can't. Why do you have to be so perfect yet so dense?*
Lily wrapped her arms around Kat, and pulled them as tight as possible. It wasn't even a slight problem for Kat's demonic physique and it actually did make Lily feel a bit better. Still… emotions burned in the smaller girls chest. So many complicated feelings mixing together into a searing combination of guilt, joy, love, regret, happiness, and fear. All clumped together and making her feel like her throat was going to be filled from emotions alone.
Lily tried to calm her breathing down. She knew she was letting things get out of hand. She just needed to say a few things. Just three words. That would be all it took. *All it takes to break everything…* A traitorous part of her mind whispered. And despite how much Lily wanted to ignore it. Her past had shown her just how true those words could be.
"Ok" said Lily sucking in as much air as she could. "See… the um… the thing is… well it's just…" Kat tightened her hug fractionally and started to draw slow circles on Lily's back. "Thanks… um… right… it's just…." Lily took a second deep breath, somehow already out of air. "Right. This… um… transformation you see…"
Lily let the words hang there. A desperate hope that Kat would pick up her tangled train of thought an unravel it for her. Sadly, Lily wasn't making that easy on her 'friend' and Kat jumped to the wrong one. "Are you having second thoughts about it? You don't have to if you don't want to. I just thought you might like the chance. Being human is perfectly fine Lily. I won't be annoyed at that. Did you think I'd get mad for you turning down the offer?"
Lily wanted to scream but she bit back on the urge. She was already losing it slightly, she didn't need to be yelling at Kat. *Whatever I do. I can't yell at Kat. This isn't her fault. It's not her fault she's naturally so nice. So kind. So protective. So attr-* Lily cut of that last thought as if fearing just letting it play out in her mind would allow Kat to hear it. "It's not that" said Lily.
"Oh?" said Kat confused. "So… you do want to go through with it? That's fine as well… but what's the issue?"
*Oh Kat. There's no issue with the transformation at all. It's everything else that's the issue for me. I so dearly wish I could explain that properly but apparently, I can only rant in my mind. Why are there no good books on this subject?* Lily thought blatantly ignoring the fact she avoided those kinds of books on principle for the last few years.
Lily sucked in more air, part of her wondering how she was still feeling like she didn't have enough, as she took another attempt to explain things from her. "Right… um… so I found a transformation I like. I… I initially discounted the beastman transformations because they… they just weren't as useful or… or so I thought. See… um… it turns out that I was only looking at the naturally occurring races and um…
"You see… the list of races I can become that exist naturally… is not the full list. There are quite a few things that were on offer that… aren't natural. They are the result of… um… magic and rituals and whatever else… then… there are a few more that are just um… just ideas. Practically guaranteed to work but… not certain and… um… there is ONE exactly that really interested me…" Lily found herself trailing off. Her courage mostly spent and she still hadn't quite gotten to the crux of the issue.
Kat, trying to be helpful jumped in and filled in the dots. Incorrectly. "Are you worried about taking that risk? I can understand that, but if it's really what you want then I have no trouble going along with it. I just want you to be safe… but if picking up this experimental beastman race would make you happier. Well… this is a once in a lifetime opportunity."
"No!" croaked Lily somewhat forcefully. "I mean… no… it um… that's not quite it either. I… um… I was assured that if anything went wrong… it could be reversed before um… issues occurred and it wouldn't cost the token because it was an experiment but um… whoooo. Ok… Kat look it would… ok maybe I should just tell you what I'm looking at. Go through things from the top."
Kat nodded and Lily shakily continued. "So… I'm looking at the Memphis beast person transformation. They leave practically forever… and have really good growth potential. I can also pick any two extra affinities, and assuming I already have one that would make it three. Now, I'd be stuck not as a Memphis, or appearance wise at least, a cat person… instead I'd be an actual Memphis for a while… see… um… my soul and body would need to stabilise a bit… so I'd basically be a cat for a while."
"That's perfectly fine. I'm sure you'll be adorable" Kat cut in with a smile.
Lily felt like the world might be out to get her. She choked on the next words as she tried desperately to recover from that blow. Her face was crimson and the embarrassment and worry was trying to claw it's way back up. She marched on though. As best she could. "Right you see… um… Memphis produce demonic energy… but they can't use it. They can store quite a lot before they have issues but not forever… so… um… they need to be bound to a demon. That… um… that would be you."
"That's fine" said Kat with ease. *Because of course she can say that easily.* "I'd be happy to be bound to you. Was that what you were worried about?" *No. No Kat it isn't. It's this next part. Oh god. I can't say it… but I have.*
Lily pressed the words into her mouth forcing them to be spoken and just barely managed to blurt out. "The problem is I love you"
Kat, perhaps not willing to recognise her own feelings on the matter, or perhaps not properly considering the nature of the conversation and the way it was said responded very happily with. "I love you to Lily, you're my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way"
Lily felt something crack. Just slightly as she screamed in her mind. *Is she doing this on purpose? Tears were fighting for the right to exit her eyes but Lily fought them down. No. I will not cry. I… I need to know. God DAM IT KAT. I don't know what to think. Kat what the hell sort of answer was this? Is this one of those stupid moments in a love story I'm just supposed to nod my head and pretend I didn't just confess my feelings.*
That slight crack in Lily seemed to feel a force wrap around it. Determination burned through her mind. Lily's eyes started to burn, not from tears, but from force of will. I will not let this go unresolved.
So, she did the only thing she knew to force the issue. She turned herself over stared Kat dead in the eyes and kissed her.